How You Know You Are An English Student:

Realising you can link The Water-Babies and A Christmas Carol through their use of purgatory and maybe include one or two The Divine Comedy quotes to really impress the examiner? Makes you happy enough to actually yell "Oh! THAT'S AWESOME!" At 11am. When nearly your entire flat is probably still asleep.

BUT IT IS AWESOME.

edit: I think I totally deserve another cup of tea for this.

edit: However, trying to memorise quotes in the original Italian and then giving the English translation may possibly be pushing my luck. Alas.

I knew I should've learned Italian this year.

edit: I've always said I'll be bored of university after three years but if Lancaster did courses like this? You know, of actual interest? I'd never *leave*.

I'd swear, you could come to this university and not know literature existed before the time of Shakespeare. And not know it continued after about 1940; the English department here have a serious addiction to the most boring period of history. *woes*

edit: Though um. I'm come to realise that no matter what time period I'm meant to be studying, be it Shakespeare or modern or Victorian, I always seem to end up back in Italy, either 13C or something with a B.C. tagged on the end. Every. Single. Time.

The fact I'm doing English literature seems to have escaped my notice it seems. ^_^ Oh well.

Things I thought I'd never see.

David Tennant with Elvis hair. Oh dear. I'm torn between crying with laughter and running away screaming "THE HAIR! IT WILL KILL US ALL!"

... Now I think about it, it does kind of remind me of Snake's hair possessing Homer in The Simpsons.

...

Now I want David Tennant to be in The Simpsons and have discussions with Lisa about Casanova.

By the way, self, this is almost certain not to come up on my Victorian Lit exam TOMORROW MORNING.

(no subject)

To my university,

You have too much money. You're building a medical school that you don't need and that no one will come to (though I notice you don't put any effort into improving the English department, thanks). You spent thousands on an overhead projector and screen for the underpass which is *never* turned on. You overcharge for accomodation, you overcharge in every shop on campus, you hire utterly incompetent office staff who can't ever deserve pay rises, you've built an entire complex down my end of campus with a huge food hall and spare rooms that you make no effort to utilise and is effectively a massive waste of money and space. You've rebuilt half the accomodation on campus, you're rebuilding the rest including adding hundreds more expensive rooms that you really don't need. You effectively see students as thousands of tiny little cashpoints running around your campus, *trying* to get on as best as they can with the business of getting a degree which you endeavor to make as unnecessarily complicated as possible while taking us for every penny we have. And next year, you're effectively DOUBLING your fresher income with no effort on your part, with these stupid top-up fees that no one wants except the universities who buy three (count them, *three*) hugely expensive projectors around campus that I've barely even seen switched on and then say they have no money.

Don't you dare send me simpering emails giving account figures that supposedly "prove" you don't have enough millions to pay the lecturers what they want and trying to turn us against our student union for supporting the strike. I disagree with the way they're going about it but quite frankly, working for you? I'd be on strike too. Here's an idea; STOP SPENDING MONEY ON YOUR STUPID POINTLESS MEDICAL SCHOOL AND USE IT FOR AN ACTUAL, USEFUL PURPOSE. Like, *paying* the lecturers you already have.

Absolutely no love at all you pathetic whiny assholes,

Clo

Jesus Christ on a cracker. I've never read such a pathetic, whining, simpering, crawling email in my life. If my university is trying to alienate its students, goddamn it's working.